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Living abroad is often portrayed as exciting, adventurous, and transformative. And sometimes it is. But what many expats don't expect is that alongside the opportunities can come periods of profound loneliness, grief, disconnection, and depression. When depression enters the picture, many people begin fighting two battles at once. The depression itself. And the constant self-criticism about having depression. As an expat therapist, I often see people become their own harshest

One of the most common coping mechanisms I see among expats is becoming different versions of yourself to fit different environments. When you move countries, cultures, languages, workplaces, and social circles, adaptation becomes a survival skill. You learn what works. You adjust. You evolve. At first, it feels like growth. You become more open-minded. More flexible. More resilient. But after enough changes, many expats find themselves asking a question that feels surprising

People often assume that the more countries you move to, the easier adapting becomes. As if after the second or third relocation you somehow become immune to culture shock, loneliness, identity confusion, or the exhausting process of rebuilding yourself from scratch. But in my experience, that is not true at all. I moved countries multiple times, and if there is one thing that never truly got easier, it was this: Trying to adapt to a new culture without losing myself in the p

“I’ve always handled things on my own. I can handle this too.” That thought stops more people from starting therapy than almost anything else. Maybe you recognize it. Along with the others: “What could a stranger possibly tell me that I don’t already know?” “They’re just being paid to listen.” “I don’t trust easily, why would I trust a therapist?” “Talking about it will probably just make it worse.” These thoughts aren’t flaws. They’re protection. At some point, you learned t

Every week I sit across from someone who made what felt like the most romantic decision of their life, but that initial excitement is now fading away. They moved countries for love. They said yes to a person, and in doing so, said yes to a place. And now the place is slowly breaking something in them that they can’t quite name. This is one of the most underexplored forms of expat grief, and it’s one I see constantly in my practice. The Invisible Contract Nobody Signs When you

Moving abroad is often seen as exciting, liberating, and full of possibility. For many expats, it feels like a fresh start, a chance to redesign life, rediscover themselves, and experience something new. But alongside that excitement, something unexpected often shows up: grief. Why Does Grief Happen When You Move Abroad? At the beginning, many expats are filled with excitement. Everything feels new. There’s a sense of freedom in being able to redefine who you are and how you

He Withdraws, She Feels Alone: The Pattern That Breaks Couples Abroad When couples move abroad, they often expect adventure, growth, maybe even a stronger bond. And in many ways, that’s true. But what I’ve seen over the past 20 years as a couple therapist working with expats is this: building a life in a new country doesn’t just challenge your logistics, it challenges your relationship in ways you didn’t expect. And very often, it’s not the external stress that breaks couples

Dating abroad sounds romantic, new cultures, new people, new possibilities. And sometimes, it really is. But if you’ve actually lived it, as I have, both personally and through working with expat clients, you’ll know it can also feel confusing, disorienting, and at times, deeply lonely. Because it’s not just about getting to know another person.It ’s about navigating entirely different cultural expectations around love, communication, gender roles, and emotional expression, a

After more than two decades of working with couples, I can tell you this: What looks like disinterest, distance, or even rejection in a man… is very often something much more complex and much more human. I’ve sat with so many women who say to me: “He doesn’t understand me.”“He doesn’t comfort me.”“He shuts down when I need him most.”“And lately… he doesn’t even seem to want me anymore.” And underneath all of that, there is one painful question: “Does he even love me?” What I’

Understanding Sexless Relationships in Long-Term Couples Over the years working as a couple therapist, I’ve seen a pattern: deeply loving, once-passionate couples slowly becoming sexless. Not abruptly. Not dramatically. Quietly. And often, without either partner fully understanding how they got there. How Do Passionate Couples Become Sexless? Most couples don’t set out to lose their physical connection. In fact, many begin with strong chemistry, curiosity, and a sense of play

There is a moment in the room that I never quite get used to. One partner says, often quietly, sometimes almost apologetically:“I love you… but I’m not attracted to you anymore.” And you can feel the shift immediately. The other person goes still. Or their eyes fill. There is so much pain. They try to stay composed and reasonable while something much deeper is happening underneath. After 20 years sitting with couples, many of them living abroad, far from home, I can tell you

By a therapist who has spent 20 years sitting on couches with expat couples, listening to love stories stretched across languages, passports, and deeply rooted beliefs. There’s something undeniably beautiful about cross-cultural relationships. They expand your world. They challenge your assumptions. They invite you to grow in ways you never expected. But after two decades of working with expat couples, I can tell you this: love across cultures doesn’t fail because of differen

When I first moved abroad almost 30 years ago, I didnt reallt think it over what I was signing up for. A new country? Cool! A different culture? I love that culture! A language to learn? Ah we can wait with that! I didn’t realize at 22 that moving abroad would change something much deeper than my surroundings. It would change my relationship with myself. At the time, I had heard of “culture shock,” but I understood it as something practical, a temporary adjustment to new foo

After living abroad for 30 years, and working with expats for over two decades, I’ve noticed something that I felt I needed to talk about openly: Moving countries doesn’t just change your surroundings, but it changes your sense of self. And at some point, sometimes quietly, sometimes all at once, many expats find themselves asking: “Who am I now?” When Life No Longer Reflects Who You Were Before you moved, your identity was woven into everyday life. You knew how things worked

Defensiveness during conflict is one of the fastest ways to erode a relationship. Not because couples argue, conflict is a normal and even necessary part of intimacy. But because defensiveness sends a very clear message to the other person: “Your pain isn’t welcome here.” Often, conflict begins with something simple: one partner brings up something that hurt them. In healthy communication, this moment opens the door to curiosity, empathy, and understanding. But when defensive

After more than 20 years working as a therapist with couples, there’s a question I hear more often than people might expect: “Everyone says we have a good marriage… so why do I feel emotionally divorced?” It’s a painful question, and for many people it comes with a quiet sense of guilt. Because from the outside, their relationship looks perfectly fine. There hasn’t been a dramatic betrayal. No explosive moment where everything fell apart. Life simply kept moving. They still l

What 20 Years of Working With Expats Has Taught Me When I first moved to the Netherlands almost thirty years ago, I didnt even know what culture shock was... I thought it would be bloody easy to adapt. Just a new language. A bit different food. Different habits. Different jokes. Different ways of doing everyday life. . What I didn’t expect was the more subtle experience that came later — the feeling that somehow I wasn’t quite myself anymore . At the time I couldn’t explain i

This is something I hear often in my work as a therapist for expats. But it’s also something I’ve heard from myself. People move abroad for many reasons: adventure, opportunity, love, freedom, a fresh start. Somewhere in the process, many expats quietly arrive at a realization: I want my life to change… I just don’t know where to begin. Maybe life abroad isn’t unfolding the way you imagined. Maybe something inside you feels restless.Maybe you sense there is more available to

The psychological reality of relocation and how to navigate it Moving abroad is often framed as an exciting life upgrade. A new country. A new lifestyle. New opportunities. The promise of adventure. And while those things are real, there’s another side of relocation that people rarely talk about: the emotional and psychological impact of leaving one life behind and trying to build another. Many expats are surprised by how destabilizing the experience can feel. Even people who

Living and working abroad is often seen as a success story. You took a risk, you moved, you built a career in a new country. And yet, many expat professionals I worked with quietly struggled with a sense of emptiness or confusion they didn’t expect. You may ask yourself: Why don’t I feel fulfilled?Is this really what I want?Did I lose something of myself along the way? These questions are more common than you might think—and they often signal a deeper search for meaning and p