He Withdraws, She Feels Alone: The Pattern That Breaks Couples Abroad When couples move abroad, they often expect adventure, growth, maybe even a stronger bond. And in many ways, that’s true. But what I’ve seen over the past 20 years as a couple therapist working with expats is this: building a life in a new country doesn’t just challenge your logistics, it challenges your relationship in ways you didn’t expect. And very often, it’s not the external stress that breaks couples

Dating abroad sounds romantic, new cultures, new people, new possibilities. And sometimes, it really is. But if you’ve actually lived it, as I have, both personally and through working with expat clients, you’ll know it can also feel confusing, disorienting, and at times, deeply lonely. Because it’s not just about getting to know another person.It ’s about navigating entirely different cultural expectations around love, communication, gender roles, and emotional expression, a

After more than two decades of working with couples, I can tell you this: What looks like disinterest, distance, or even rejection in a man… is very often something much more complex and much more human. I’ve sat with so many women who say to me: “He doesn’t understand me.”“He doesn’t comfort me.”“He shuts down when I need him most.”“And lately… he doesn’t even seem to want me anymore.” And underneath all of that, there is one painful question: “Does he even love me?” What I’

Understanding Sexless Relationships in Long-Term Couples Over the years working as a couple therapist, I’ve seen a pattern: deeply loving, once-passionate couples slowly becoming sexless. Not abruptly. Not dramatically. Quietly. And often, without either partner fully understanding how they got there. How Do Passionate Couples Become Sexless? Most couples don’t set out to lose their physical connection. In fact, many begin with strong chemistry, curiosity, and a sense of play

There is a moment in the room that I never quite get used to. One partner says, often quietly, sometimes almost apologetically:“I love you… but I’m not attracted to you anymore.” And you can feel the shift immediately. The other person goes still. Or their eyes fill. There is so much pain. They try to stay composed and reasonable while something much deeper is happening underneath. After 20 years sitting with couples, many of them living abroad, far from home, I can tell you

By a therapist who has spent 20 years sitting on couches with expat couples, listening to love stories stretched across languages, passports, and deeply rooted beliefs. There’s something undeniably beautiful about cross-cultural relationships. They expand your world. They challenge your assumptions. They invite you to grow in ways you never expected. But after two decades of working with expat couples, I can tell you this: love across cultures doesn’t fail because of differen

When I first moved abroad almost 30 years ago, I didnt reallt think it over what I was signing up for. A new country? Cool! A different culture? I love that culture! A language to learn? Ah we can wait with that! I didn’t realize at 22 that moving abroad would change something much deeper than my surroundings. It would change my relationship with myself. At the time, I had heard of “culture shock,” but I understood it as something practical, a temporary adjustment to new foo

After living abroad for 30 years, and working with expats for over two decades, I’ve noticed something that I felt I needed to talk about openly: Moving countries doesn’t just change your surroundings, but it changes your sense of self. And at some point, sometimes quietly, sometimes all at once, many expats find themselves asking: “Who am I now?” When Life No Longer Reflects Who You Were Before you moved, your identity was woven into everyday life. You knew how things worked

Defensiveness during conflict is one of the fastest ways to erode a relationship. Not because couples argue, conflict is a normal and even necessary part of intimacy. But because defensiveness sends a very clear message to the other person: “Your pain isn’t welcome here.” Often, conflict begins with something simple: one partner brings up something that hurt them. In healthy communication, this moment opens the door to curiosity, empathy, and understanding. But when defensive

After more than 20 years working as a therapist with couples, there’s a question I hear more often than people might expect: “Everyone says we have a good marriage… so why do I feel emotionally divorced?” It’s a painful question, and for many people it comes with a quiet sense of guilt. Because from the outside, their relationship looks perfectly fine. There hasn’t been a dramatic betrayal. No explosive moment where everything fell apart. Life simply kept moving. They still l

What 20 Years of Working With Expats Has Taught Me When I first moved to the Netherlands almost thirty years ago, I didnt even know what culture shock was... I thought it would be bloody easy to adapt. Just a new language. A bit different food. Different habits. Different jokes. Different ways of doing everyday life. . What I didn’t expect was the more subtle experience that came later — the feeling that somehow I wasn’t quite myself anymore . At the time I couldn’t explain i

This is something I hear often in my work as a therapist for expats. But it’s also something I’ve heard from myself. People move abroad for many reasons: adventure, opportunity, love, freedom, a fresh start. Somewhere in the process, many expats quietly arrive at a realization: I want my life to change… I just don’t know where to begin. Maybe life abroad isn’t unfolding the way you imagined. Maybe something inside you feels restless.Maybe you sense there is more available to