What You Must Stop Doing when You Feel Depressed Living Abroad

Living abroad is often portrayed as exciting, adventurous, and transformative.

And sometimes it is.

But what many expats don't expect is that alongside the opportunities can come periods of profound loneliness, grief, disconnection, and depression.

When depression enters the picture, many people begin fighting two battles at once.

The depression itself.

And the constant self-criticism about having depression.

As an expat therapist, I often see people become their own harshest critic during difficult periods abroad. They judge themselves for not coping better, not being more grateful, or not making the most of the life they've worked so hard to create.

If you're feeling depressed while living abroad, here are five things you need to stop doing, and what to do instead.

1. Stop blaming yourself for abandoning the routines that used to keep you grounded

When life feels difficult, many people look at the habits they've lost and conclude that they've become lazy, undisciplined, or unmotivated.

Maybe you used to exercise regularly.

Maybe you cooked healthy meals.

Maybe you journaled, socialised, or maintained a consistent daily routine.

Now those things feel harder than they once did.

It's easy to assume you've failed yourself.

But depression often creates a mental fog that affects concentration, motivation, memory, and organisation.

Add the challenges of adapting to a new country, and it's understandable that routines can fall apart.

Learning new systems, navigating cultural differences, speaking another language, building a support network, and managing uncertainty all require energy.

The problem isn't that you've become weak.

The problem is that you're carrying more than you realise.

Instead of asking, "Why can't I do what I used to do?"

Try asking, "What support do I need right now?"

2. Stop shaming yourself for needing more rest

Many expats feel guilty when they spend more time at home, cancel plans, or find themselves needing more rest than usual.

Part of this comes from the pressure to make the most of their experience abroad.

You tell yourself:

"I should be exploring."

"I should be meeting people."

"I should be enjoying this."

But depression doesn't operate according to your plans.

It often affects energy levels, motivation, and the ability to experience pleasure.

At the same time, living abroad requires ongoing emotional effort.

Even simple activities can involve constant adaptation—understanding social norms, speaking another language, interpreting unfamiliar situations, and navigating daily life without the familiarity of home.

If you're exhausted, it doesn't mean you're failing.

It may simply mean your mind and body are asking for recovery.

Rest is not the enemy.

Sometimes it's part of the healing process.

3. Stop telling yourself you have no right to struggle because moving abroad was your choice

This is one of the most common forms of self-judgement I hear.

People tell themselves:

"I chose this."

"Other people would love this opportunity."

"I should be grateful."

"I have no reason to feel this way."

But emotional pain doesn't disappear simply because your circumstances look good on paper.

Depression doesn't care whether you're pursuing your dream career, living in a beautiful city, or building the life you've always wanted.

You can be deeply grateful for your move and still be struggling.

These experiences are not opposites.

They can exist at the same time.

Human emotions are rarely that simple.

Giving yourself permission to acknowledge your pain doesn't make you ungrateful.

It makes you honest.

4. Stop criticising yourself for thinking about the life you left behind

When people feel depressed abroad, their thoughts often drift back home.

They think about old friendships.

Former routines.

Family gatherings.

Places that felt familiar.

Versions of themselves that seemed happier or more certain.

Depression has a tendency to focus attention on loss.

It can pull your mind toward regrets, missed opportunities, painful memories, and endless "what if" questions.

You may find yourself repeatedly wondering:

"What if I had stayed?"

"What if things would have been easier?"

"Did I make the wrong decision?"

These thoughts can become repetitive mental loops.

And while they can be uncomfortable, they don't necessarily mean you've made a mistake.

Often, they reflect something deeper.

Grief.

Because moving abroad involves loss as well as gain.

You don't just leave a place behind.

You leave familiar relationships, identities, routines, and ways of life.

Acknowledging that loss is part of adjustment—not proof that you've chosen the wrong path.

5. Stop shaming yourself for finding everyday life harder than it 'should' be

One of the most frustrating parts of depression is how difficult ordinary tasks can suddenly feel.

Replying to messages.

Going grocery shopping.

Making appointments.

Learning a new system.

Building friendships.

Leaving the house.

Things that once felt simple can begin to feel overwhelming.

Many expats respond by criticising themselves.

"Why is this so hard?"

"Everyone else seems to manage."

"I should be able to do this."

But depression changes how much mental and emotional energy is available.

Tasks that seem small from the outside can require enormous effort on the inside.

Some days, success may look very different than it used to.

And that's okay.

Sometimes your job is not to thrive.

Sometimes your job is simply to get through the day until things begin to feel lighter again.

The Most Important Thing to Remember

Living abroad often brings experiences that can affect mental health in powerful ways.

Grief.

Loneliness.

Identity shifts.

Culture shock.

Homesickness.

Loss of familiarity.

Periods of uncertainty.

When depression appears alongside these challenges, self-judgement usually makes the experience harder—not easier.

The goal is not to force yourself to be stronger.

The goal is to meet yourself with the same understanding you would offer someone you care about.

Because struggling abroad doesn't mean you've failed.

It doesn't mean you've made the wrong decision.

And it certainly doesn't mean you're ungrateful.

It means you're human.

And sometimes the most healing thing you can do is stop fighting yourself while you're already carrying so much.