Navigating Identity and Belonging as an Expat

“So, where are you from?”

“And what brought you here?”

You hear these questions constantly, often when all you want is to blend in and not be seen as a foreigner. You may have an entire life behind you, a full story to tell, yet lately it feels like everything is reduced to one detail: the fact that you left your home country. It begins to feel like that one choice has become your entire identity.

You're seen as the person who came here to seek something better. You’re told you’re lucky to be in this country. But what are you offering in return? What’s your value? Are you worth investing in if you might leave?

You begin to share your story. Your childhood, your dream, your move. But you quickly notice the person listening tune out. “Just another expat,” they might think. Not worth the effort. And with that, the feeling of isolation deepens. Once again, you're reminded you're an outsider, when all you really wanted was a conversation. A moment to be curious, to feel alive, and to connect.

One of the most common struggles I see in my work as a psychotherapist with expats in Lisbon and beyond is this complex experience of identity and invisibility. Many clients tell me how being constantly defined by their foreignness leaves them feeling unseen and misunderstood.

In response, many try to adapt as much as possible. They hide their true nature, monitor their reactions, and seek approval from locals. You may start to read all the books about the culture, laugh at jokes you don't quite understand, dress like those around you, and stop voicing your opinions. Over time, this can lead to a loss of self. You begin to wonder: Who am I? What do I believe in? Where do I belong?

This fear of rejection can become so internalized that it keeps us from truly connecting. But what if the people around you are just as unsure about how to reach you? What if they’re afraid of forming a bond that might not last? What if the judgment you fear isn’t coming from them, but from yourself?

In my practice as a remote therapist in Portugal, I help expats work through these questions. Together, we explore your inner conflicts, rebuild confidence, and develop the emotional tools needed to reconnect with your sense of self. We focus on supporting your identity, not as an “expat,” but as a whole person with value, needs, and depth beyond your relocation story.

You don’t need to lose yourself to belong. Your perspective has meaning. Your presence brings something unique. In a world that often emphasizes difference, we can work together toward clarity, confidence, and connection. Wherever you are.