From Expat to Immigrant: What It Really Means to Settle Abroad

So when does it happen? The moment you stop being seen as an expat and start being labeled an immigrant?

When is it no longer acceptable to not speak the local language? When are you expected to have local friends, a local partner, or a job in a national company instead of a multinational? When do people stop making excuses for your cultural differences and start expecting you to integrate? And what does that even mean for your identity, your confidence, and your wellbeing?

The word "immigrant" is full of contradictions. Technically, it describes someone born abroad or with a parent born abroad. But socially, it often carries assumptions about difference. While "expat" is seen as a global citizen who is ambitious, mobile, and successful, the word "immigrant" is often associated with pressure to assimilate, loss of status, or even bias. It is a subtle but powerful shift in how others may view you, and many expats begin to feel it over time.

The Forever Expat

Some people continue to live like expats even after years abroad. They speak their native language, stay connected mostly with other internationals, and avoid putting down roots. They may hesitate to buy homes or pursue local career paths because the idea of leaving still feels possible. At the same time, they feel stuck. They are staying for good reasons, but without fully committing. The once-exciting expat lifestyle becomes harder to maintain as friendships shift and local communities lose patience with their distance. Eventually, this can lead to loneliness, uncertainty, and the quiet fear that life is moving forward without them.

The Immigrant Experience

Others choose to engage with their new home. They learn the language, build friendships with locals, and raise their children in local schools. They embrace new customs and adapt their daily lives to a different culture. Even with these efforts, they may still feel like outsiders. Their accent remains, their cultural celebrations differ, and their values may not always align. Even those who seem successful in work or social life can feel isolated or misunderstood. They might not speak openly about their challenges, unsure if they will be heard or accepted.

In my work as a psychotherapist with expats and immigrants in Lisbon and throughout Portugal, I see this emotional journey often. Whether someone has just arrived or has lived here for over a decade, the internal questions around identity, belonging, and emotional safety remain present.

In therapy, we explore these questions together. We talk about your wishes, your choices, your sense of responsibility, and your right to decide how you want to live. We look at what helps you feel grounded, what holds you back, and what allows you to connect with others without losing your sense of self. Whether you consider yourself an expat or an immigrant, what matters most is making choices that are true to you.

You do not have to fit someone else's definition to belong. You are allowed to live in a way that supports your growth and your wellbeing.